Fake/ Stalkerish Friends

this is a censored version. i changed (i think) all the bad words into poos.

Fake friends: Never ask for food.
True friends: are the reasons you have no food.

Fake friends: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
True friends: Call your parents DAD/MOM
^that's a bit intense

Fake friends: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
True friends: Would sit next to you saying "Damn ... we messed up ... but that poo was fun!"

Fake friends: never seen you cry.
True friends: cry with you

Fake friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
True friends: keep your poo so long they forget its yours.

Fake friends: know a few things about you.
True friends: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
^that's so true!

Fake friends: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
True friends: Will kick the whole crowds bum that left you.

Fake friends: Would knock on your front door.
True friends: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
^this is a very scary true friend, a bit stalker-ish

Fake friends: Are for a while.
True friends: Are for life.

Fake friends: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
True friends: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "poo drink the rest of that you know we don't waste poo."

Fake friends: will talk poo to the person who talks poo about you.
True friends: Will knock them the poo out

Fake friends: Will read this.
True friends: Will steal this, just like I did XD